When I started practicing yoga and as my practice improved, I wanted more than just the good feelings I felt. I could do many of the poses with more ease, and although I love yoga, something was missing. With the addition of meditation, I found what I was missing, more of a spiritual connection. It was the thing that I was looking for. I feel a deeper connection to god and the world around me. I feel more at one with the world and know that god is in all things. During and after meditation I have the most profound and the simplest revelations about myself and the world around me. I have become mindful in what I say and do.
A lot of good and bad things happened in the past year. Meditation has been a stabilizing and vital factor in my daily life. On the worst days I meditated. On the best days I meditated. At hospitals I meditated. When I needed time alone at work, I meditated. I meditated holding my father’s hand as he passed on from this world. Meditation helped me to be there for him without being overly emotional and staying calmer and more rational. I was able to ask the right questions, make informed decisions and pay attention to small details of his care. It gave us the gift of more quality time together, and for this of all these things, I am most grateful. I remembered my teacher’s lecture that asked, “Who are you crying for?’ when you loose a loved one. I realized I was crying for me, for my wanting him to not leave me.
I acknowledge the changes that meditation has helped produce in me. A few weeks after my father’s death, I experienced an inner peace and acceptance I may not have had for years to come. I had stopped doing some projects and activities, except for meditation and then later picked them right back up. Meditation has helped me to be more accepting of others, get back and enhance my empathy and to become more of an advocate. It has helped me to not be afraid to speak up when it was needed, without becoming overly emotional or angry. My friends noticed it. I haven’t done anything differently except meditate daily.
Some people laugh when I tell them, but I had been pulled over twice for speeding, in the seven months my father was hospitalized, (which hasn’t happened to me in years.) I was unconsciously going a little too fast and I didn’t slow down until I saw the signs a bit too late. Both times I calmly sat and waited for my well deserved punishment, a ticket; because I knew I was in the wrong. Both times the police officer let me go with only a “be careful". One was a male officer and other was a woman officer. In the past I have always gotten a ticket, even if I tried to argue, cry my way out of it or just sit and not say anything. I have never gotten out of one before, ever. I know somewhat pathetic, right.
I think I didn’t get a ticket because I accepted my error, acknowledged it to myself and waited calmly for the ticket. As I pulled away, I was thankful for the blessing and remembered this as a lesson to use. Meditate, accept what you put out there, try to become a better person, handle things with less emotion and people will recognize something within you. The officers must have seen something in me that they reacted to karmically. Karma is not about bad things happening to you. It is about things following one after another, action causing another action. In Eastern thinking Karma can be reversed, neutralized or removed through the practice of meditation. I’ll save that for another post.
I meditate for a few moments when I need to reconnect and reduce anger. I meditated to remain calm, focused and control my emotions when my father was in various hospitals. I often used the breathing to quickly calm myself. It helped me be more aware of what was going on and from becoming angry and yelling or becoming rude to the staff.
My senses are more attuned to subtle things around me. When I take walks, I look around and find delight in discovering things I hadn’t seen before. I see birds and animals I have never seen before, hidden in places I never noticed before. I now really observe my surroundings. I am becoming a better gardener. I started using organic products. I stood completely still in a meditational state and watched a hummingbird feeding next to me, unaware I was there. What a joyful encounter!
I have been seeing a lot of deer for many months. More than usual. I slow down or stop and marvel at their grace and beauty. Twice deer have gracefully walked across the road in front of me and it seemed as if I was dreaming them. They seemed as if they were unafraid of me. Just recently a deer stood watching me at the side of the road and our eyes met for a moment. I felt as if she was almost connecting with me.
Symbolically I am one of them moving along the path from the deep dark forest of unawareness, into the dappled light of the trees and awakening awareness and slowly going into the open sunlight of awareness. I have seen a doe in my meditations. She seems to want me to be patient and wait for what will come and to continue to work hard at I am doing now. She is letting me know my blessings are coming.
Meditation has given me the gift of being genuine, and not so afraid to be so. I can now tell people things that are difficult without the emotional attached. It has helped me to reconcile old hurts in my relationship with my mother and we have discussions in a calmer, more mature manner. It has helped me to feel others pain with a new insight and a more in depth understanding. My intuition is heightened. People at work are surprised at my ability to “predict” things happening. I tell them that meditating regularly has helped me to have better focus, so my observational skills are better. I’ve become calmer and more patient. I still need to work on this though. I am finding more joy in simple things.
These changes have occurred because of the deeper meditation abilities I have developed. The changes occurred because of a regular practice. I can meditate almost anywhere now. Meditation has become an integral part of my life. I like becoming a better person, the kind of person I want to be. It has helped me to keep my emotions in check most of the time, but especially when I need it most to remain calm and get through something difficult. Without the emotions I can see what is happening around me more clearly.
My focus is improving and I am procrastinating less and less. I still need to grow a lot here, but I am pleased with my progress. I plan to work on my focus more and on following through doing things to the end. I have gotten better at being able to manage multiple commitments, responsibilities and priorities with more ease. I am much better at acknowledging that I can’t get everything done at work and not worrying about it or feeling so guilty, which really eats at you. So I have a feeling of being freed from things I can’t control now.
The first teachings of what I learned about meditating helped me to start a regular meditation group. They enjoy learning the techniques and I enjoy teaching them and in turn, we all get something positive. I have felt joy and I have felt bliss since I started meditating regularly. They are indescribable feelings. I now understand what meditation does for people. I have regained my joy. I can’t wait what to see is next.
