I'm Tired and It's Not Even Real Christmas Yet!

It doesn't begin to feel like the holidays to me until the Christmas tree goes up in the lobby at work, it's decorated and we start the patient parties.  I pop in a Christmas CD on my disc player and it's officially Christmas. 

Just like every year at about this time I am wiped out. The parties for the patients are over and done with for this year.  Our office party is over.  As far as I 'm concerned, at this moment so is my most important Christmas.  I'm not wiped out from shopping till I drop for Christmas gifts though.  I've never done that.  I am one of those people other people hate, who shops early and picks things up during the year.  It's not because I am super organized.  It's because I really don't like to shop at the mall and fight crowds of people.  I just don't get the madness of the holiday shopping season and Black Friday here in the states.  (You may recall that I previously blogged about cutting back on gifts.)

So I am tired from being so busy and it isn't even real Christmas yet!  I am tired of the emphasis on getting and giving stuff and not about the sharing.  I am tired from working for days on doing something that's not about stuff.  But that's a good thing. That is because we held the patient parties this week.  Christmas should be more about relationships and spiritual beliefs, not getting a bunch of stuff.   Don't worry; I'm not going to get on that soap box again!  For me the patient parties are the focus of my Christmas season, after that I prefer to coast through the holiday season on auto pilot.  The commercialism of the season seems to make the holidays even more exhausting. 

The parties are always before Christmas.  It helps the staff that works on them to rest up a bit  before the Christmas crunch begins.  There are five of us that do them.  It's a lot of work; planning, shopping, getting ready, setting up, doing the parties and cleaning up two days in a row.  So they deserve a rest before the real holiday. 

But for me, after so many years of doing the patient parties, they have become my most important Christmas.  I have been seeing many of the patients twice a week for years.  I see them more than some of my own family and friends!  Several of them have been part of my meditation group for more than two years now.  Not so obviously, spending this much time with them makes them more than just people I work with.  They are a tremendous part of my life.  Years ago a patient said that because I was never able to have children, I was meant to take care of a lot of people.  I have never forgotten that, and see it becoming true.

I start thinking about the parties, right after we finish the current parties!   No, really, I'm not that anal!  Since it's fresh in my mind, I make notes of things to keep and to change.  I think about how much money was spent, how much we'll need for next year, why we ended up with extra food, or not enough.  I think about how we will get enough things to pass out as gifts for Christmas next year and other special occasions throughout the year. 

I try not to over order food, I have to watch how much money we spend. The doctors are very generous to do this every year.  There are almost 200 patients.  Sometimes quite a few people don't take any of the food home.  Other times we almost run out.   One year we did.  So we always have too much or too little!  When we have too much, or I think there may be too much, I save it for the staff party.  We could split it up and take it  home, but I like to share it with the other staff.  I really like the people I work with, and want them to have some too.  I eat very little of it during the parties to save as much as possible for everyone later. 

If we get a lot of treat donations, I'll put some aside for the staff too.  Some years there are lots of extra goodies and other years like this one, not very much.  The harder the economy, the harder we have to search for extras, or in my mind essentials.  The last two Christmases have been harder for most people. 

I like to surprise the staff with the extra food.  They don't always expect it.  I know a few of them may think I am being selfish in not offering it during the patient parties, but I have to make sure that every patient gets some first.  We have a large staff.  Most of them aren't paid very much.  Working in health care may be stable, but they are not lucrative paying jobs. 

By the second day of the parties, I'll know if we will be able to give out food to everyone else.  I 'guesstimate' if we will have enough for the staff and something extra for the drivers and other people who have been so helpful throughout the year.  I have developed the ability to shut out the people who think I am being selfish.  I can't win for loosing some times.  Go figure; they don't even realize that some of the gifts we buy for the patients actually comes from money from our own pockets.  I mean really, do they think that there is a sea of bottomless presents waiting to be passed out?

If it wasn't for the patients, we wouldn't  be needed and have jobs.  The patients don't want  to go there, they have to go there.  We try to make it a little more pleasant to be there.  So then I meditate on it and let it go.  I am trying to be a better person; sometimes it's very hard.

The parties run for two days, so that every patient on every shift gets to participate.  There is always someone who is in the hospital or out of town each year.  We save gifts for them, but can't save the food, as it isn't going to be edible for long!   Most patients look forward to it.  For some it's their only Christmas and we are their only family.