I passed a few miles stones this past week. I made it through the first anniversary of my father's death. That explains a few of days of feeling down and blue. I am normally very upbeat. I was thinking about him all of the time and missing him. Even when you try not to think about a loved one's death, it creeps into your mind. But I was not struck down with anniversary grief. I managed to go on as normal.
As the stress of the last year has finally slowed down, I've been doing much reflection the past few months and I am attempting to simplify my life more. I have gained some weight back, but it is starting to come off, without having to change my habits. I tend to gain weight in stressful times without eating poorly. Now that I understand myself better, I can deal with it better without becoming too upset by it.
My body responds to stress rather too quickly and obviously. It's annoying, but I can recognize it now. It tuns around a lot quicker now. You may see me one month and the next I may look 10 pounds heavier or lighter. As the stress goes away, my body relaxes again and the weight starts to come off. Something that may have fit me last week, may not fit this week. It's irritating, but I am getting used to it. It's my typical reaction or stress response.
I bloat up if I have to speak to a large group, an appointment that I am anxious about, etc. Even if I am not consciously feeling stressed or anxious my body shows it! I work in a profession that is frequently fraught with being pulled in many directions and stressful situations. I barely react to things that would have stressed me out years ago. That is a hugh plus. I draw on experience in how I may handle the current situation. That is one of the reasons I was able to loose so much weight in the first place.
I can be pulled in multiple directions without being stressed out and choose which are the immediate priorities. People who forget to do things until the last minute do not phase me as much a they used to. I sometimes turn it around as a learning opportunity for them. I caution them that it may not turn out as well as they would like. In taking a calmer approach, I often find that things work out much better than one would expect. And I sometimes surprise myself! I can calm down my own feelings of anxiousness and stress with meditation, but the bloating is much harder to diffuse. When I get a little too stressed out I swell up and then it goes away naturally as my body relaxes with daily meditation. I'm sort of like a tire; I inflate and I deflate!
But I'm not simplifying because I'm sick, tired or anything like that. I am simplifying because my needs and desires have diminished as my meditation practice has progressed. It's helped me to be more aware of myself and the world. This is a natural progression when you have been meditating for years. I don't have a need to prove anything to anyone but myself. I acknowledge what I have accomplished over my life, including the successes and the failures, little and big. I don't worry much about the wouldofs, couldofs anymore. If something doesn't work out as I would have liked, I just have to acknowledge that things work out as they are meant to.
I am working at becoming a better child, wife, friend, employee, person. I am making progress in those directions. I no longer crave high achievement and the limelight. I recognize that I have already achived much in so many other ways. I will continue to help others in the best way I know how. I needed to realize that life isn't about what people think about you, as much as what you think of yourself. That's most important. I'll just do as I should and will create more positive connections and relationships. The ones that I can't, well it will happen or it won't. I will accept it and then move on...
I still have a lot of life left to go though! But I am more at peace with myself and continue to flow with life's stream. I am healthier than I was more than 10 years ago. I am still one of the healthiest diabetics I have met. I reversed the disease. There are more of us out there than people realize. About 20% of diabetics never even need medication. I plan to stay in that group. I have my little binges and tastes of things on the no no list and then I am back to being good.
I have been practicing yoga and exercising for four years now this month, so they are a part of my life. I passed 6,500 miles on my Exercycle this month. Embracing diabetes, instead of denying it or fighting it has helped me to become and stay healthy. I've told my family and friends that diabetes was a blessing because it saved my life. If I hadn't been told that I had just gone into the diabetic range, would I have turned my life around so much? I really doubt it.
